A story from a Syrian refugee: In the way to Bulgaria illegally

I did not expect any day of my life to enter Bulgarian territory illegally, and to witness experience like this, where my life with my family in Syria was naturally to a large extent, I’ve got a good job in field of education, and has achieved some success in publish some of my writings in fields of story and theater, my wife is engineer and she have got a good job too, we have a beautiful baby six-month-old, and an small apartment we live in it.

But however, the armed conflict which doesn’t appear that it’s end will come soon, and fear for the child’s future who was born in bad time, forced us finally to leave everything behind us, carry the little baby and out of Syria, especially after exposure the neighborhood in which we live in Homs city with bombed, and last our transition neighborhood not more secure than its predecessor, while  violence and extremism and intolerance plague had spread in last two years to all regions and cities of Syria.

So we across the border and entered the Turkish territory illegally, because our passports had stolen when our house burgled earlier, and we did not have the opportunity or the time to renew it, especially after the Syrian authorities put a lot of restrictions in this regard.

We have heard already about some Syrian families had succeed to enter Bulgarian territory illegally, after they passed a dense forest, but we did not have heard yet those stories about the difficulty of doing that, and when I contacted one of the smugglers in this regard he told me that to cross the border will not take more than half an hour if we walked in right direction, and that what he will do for us if I paid to him 400 $, and after thinking a bit we decided to contact  the smuggler again , and I told him our agreement to do that.

We start heading to Edirne city on the Bulgarian – Turkish border to transit later to the Bulgarian territory with help from the smuggler, and after a long hard journey took from us about two days by the bus, we finally got to Edirne , and when we get out from the bus we met the smuggler, and after a few word between us I enter a dispute with him about the amount we must pay for his serves .

He request to pay 1,200$ cash for help us to pass the Bulgarian-Turkish border, and this is what I did not agree, I told him we had made a deal on the phone, and I will pay the amount 400$, the smuggler rejection that saying he will sure we agreed on the amount of 1200$, and when I said I don’t have this amount now the smuggler looked at the hand of my wife and at the ring in her finger then said: “You have this!”, I didn’t expect he will say that and looked at him furiously and abhorred and said: “This is our wedding ring and I will never give it to you!”, then he lift us saying: “so you will never go to Bulgaria”, while I shut in a loud voice: “so I will tell everyone I know do not connect with you anymore”.

We didn’t expect what happen, the smuggler will leave us easily like this, we were very tired and didn’t know what we should do now , so we decided to go to a hotel in the city to care with our baby and thinking about our situation now, and what we must do later, but unfortunately any of the hotels in Edirne  wanted to receive us because we don’t have passports, we become very tired when we find a mosques and sat in its garden, and after the baby have his milk , and we have a break about an hour, we decided to return to Istanbul , and when we was waiting for a taxi the smuggler call me again, he apologized for his behavior, and told me his agree about the amount 400$ to help us crossing into  Bulgarian territory.

May he call again because he was afraid I will do what I said , and tell everyone in Syria I know about what happen with us ,  especially those whom want to enter Bulgaria illegally , and tell them about his bad behavior , may he was afraid those people will not contact with him anymore , and he will be then a big loser , since he know very well because of the war in their country Syrian people know the best customers for him.

For us we didn’t have a lot of options , it was impossible to go back to Syria , and we have no good place to stay in Turkey , so I agreed his request even though I no longer have a lot of confidence in him , then he said he will come to the mosque and take us to a house on the outskirts of the city until the evening  when we will go to Bulgarian border , and we agree for that too , especially with our knowledge that none of the hotels in Edirne will receive us.

In that house we have got a rest , care with our baby , and ate some food , and at ninth o’clock a car came to take us to the border , then after we pay to the smuggler 400$ he request to get into the car , we do that and met in it a young Moroccan told us he have the same destination , and he give the smuggler 800$ already , as well as the driver who launched us with the smuggler and young Moroccan to the Turkish – Bulgarian border on a short trip did not take more than half an hour.

The driver cornered his car among the trees next to a farm road , then we get out with the young Moroccan from it , and the smuggler with his friend “the driver” lead us through the trees into a winding bumpy road about an hour , where we can barely in the darkness see the land under our feet , it was in midnight and no moon in the sky , and the smuggler asked us not to ignite any lights fearing that the Turkish guard border may will discover and arrest us , while it was the biggest fears I had in that time to drop on the bumpy road with my little baby who I was carrying between my hands , and tried to put my feet in the right place to safe the baby , my wife and I scared about the idea that he will have a problem in those remote spot , and that we can’t then get help from anyone.

But fortunately none of this didn’t happen , and the baby remained at this time covered in his sleep, while we follow the smuggler on the rough road , and after he drove us about an hour we heard a sudden voice of a car engine , and saw the light emitted from it , we knew that there was a problem , especially after the smuggler asked us to stop in the dark where we are, and to be in complete silence , and request to run back from where we came in order not to be arrested , things started become more difficult , according to what the smuggler told us it was Turkish border guards car , and we are now in danger of caught from them , and will not be able to continue moving towards the border till  the dawn , and after we will be sure the border guards patrol had gone.

Jogging behind the smuggler and his friend “the driver” and the young Moroccan on the rough road , in the darkness among the trees that looked like ghost around us , my wife in front of me and our little baby between my hands still covered in his sleep, we returned from where we came from , and after we went back nearly half the distance we had move toward the border already , and far away a distance not too bad form a car border guards , that we no longer hear its sound , or see the light emitted from its lamp , request the smuggler to stop and spend the night where we were , and this is what we have done really.

It was terrible cold dark night did not shut our eyelid in it , while filled our souls fears and unclear thoughts , what can happen to us after this , we were in a lonely place with three guys we met them only a few hours ago , and I have a quarrel with one of them already , obviously two of them outlaws for doing this job , so we don’t trust any of them , and even that we thought they were not criminals we start thinking that any moment those guys can looting everything we had and leave us to loss in this place , or they can kill us without anyone know about their crime , really those black ideas with the cold and desolate place stolen from me and my wife any comfort atom it was possible to have , except the little baby who my wife had fed him timely then returned to sob in a deep sleep.

At four o’clock almost before the dawn , the smuggler asked us   again to move forward in the same way that we had walked in the night , and after a period we find ourselves in the place where we have seen the car border guards , meanwhile the light day had begun spreading in the place , and the smuggler told us to stop now and he looked in every direction and see that there was no suspicious , then he requested again to follow the path forward.

But after only ten minutes he request to stop again , the smuggler talked with his friend “the driver” a few words in Turkish language which I and my wife and the young Moroccan can’t understand , then he asked us to have a rest in the place when we were , but while we were trying to find a place to sit , suddenly the smuggler and his friend walked away , and disappeared behind the dense trees , this behavior and strange act from them  making us suspicion , and fill our souls with fear.

With the passage of time the fears was on the rise , and we began to believe that the smuggler and his friend had gone , and will not go back again , really it was moments of awesome that we had spent there , we didn’t know where we are, or in any direction we must go , surrounded by trees forest , and filled our souls obsessions and black ideas , I started to thinking again about my quarrel with the smuggler when we was in Edirne , and chided myself to do that act , I thought the smuggler wanted to revenge because I didn’t give him the amount he requested , and I made a big mistake!

But after we stayed on this bad case for more than an hour , lost during that time almost all our hope of their returning , we heard the sound of feet approaching from us , they were the smuggler and his friend , they had returned again, I remember I took a deep breath, and looked at my wife trying to rise the hope that things will go will know, and we will be able to pass this matter peacefully.

Really I do not know what happened , why the smuggler and his friend left us more than an hour in that place , and why they returned again , all I thought about this case I don’t find an explanation , but sometimes I thought that the smuggler and his friend decided to return to Edirne , the smuggler received already the amount of 400$ when we was in Edirne , and the  young Moroccan had given him 800$ too , may the smuggler and his friend feared of falling into the hands of border guards while we was very close know from the border that separates Turkish territory from Bulgarian territory , then after that for one reason or another they changed their mind and return from this decision , maybe that happen after they had fallen prey to the feelings of remorse , they lived us in that situation with our baby in a remote spot , and the smuggler very well aware that we do not know which direction we should take , and absolutely we will loss without them , but whatever the reason that pushed them to return again , their returning was a source of comfort after they lived us more than hour in that desolate place.

We didn’t ask them anything and they say nothing , but at ones after his returning the smuggler request to follow him again , we do what he said and after about half an hour we arrived at a farm road , where he requested again to stop, and then told us that after crossing this way we will entered into Bulgarian territory , and he and his friend the “driver” will not be able yet from this point to follow the road with us , and they must return to Edirne city after he arrived us to the boundary between the Turkish territory and the Bulgarian territory according to what we agreed with him , he pointed to the direction in which we should take after we enter the forest in Bulgarian lands , and asked us to do that quickly , so we say goodbye to each other and crossed the agricultural road haste , then entered with the young Moroccan among dense trees  , while the smuggler and the driver lived the place and went back in the opposite direction in a harry.

We find ourselves now in a scared place , filled with spam flies and other flying insects , and when we looked around us we could see nothing except dense trees , twigs broken , shrubs, and thorns that were filled land forest everywhere , sure that will make the task of walking in the woods very difficult if not impossible , especially as we carry the little baby with us , I remember that the young Moroccan shout with scared “what is that!, we will loss and death if we go ahead through this terrible place , never! I will not do that ,  this forest will eat me!”.

I know the young Moroccan have the right to say that , and he was all right , this ugly place may will eat us now , but really we have no other good choice , if we go back may we will loss too , the smuggler and his friend was gone , and we don’t remember the way , and what will happen if we return to the agricultural road and no one discover our presence there! , what we will do in this case , that will be more dangerous than to crossing the scared forest , especially that we don’t have a lot of food or water , and can’t stay in this place without help from someone , and if we go back and success to return to Edirne what we will do after that! ,  in other point we know already that many families succeed to across this forest to other side of it , and inter Bulgarian territory safety , and we thought that if we walked according to what the smuggler told us we will across the forest too.

And because we want his company now I remember how I and my wife encouraged the young Moroccan to continue the march with us despite of the difficulty and seriousness of the matter , and finally  the young Moroccan agree to cross the forest with us ,  and we start our desolate journey again , we walked into the forest , and I fixed my eyes at the direction indicated by the smuggler before his departure , because I was afraid we can loss any time in that ugly place , the land know was very rough , we had to keep the tangled branches and thorns away of us with our hands so that we can continue to walk and go ahead in the forest , and I was tired from walking and carry my baby between my army , and one of our bags on my back , while my wife was carrying other one on her back and she feel tired too.

After quarter of an hour from the path in the forest the little  baby began to crying suddenly , he was hungry and tired from the long journey he doesn’t deserve it , and honestly I think he was tired from attacking flying insects I was trying deported its  annoying from his face without permanently to succeed too , anyway we decide to take a short break to feed him , I asked the young Moroccan for that and he agreed , the little baby stopped to crying when my wife start drinking him his milk , while I was looking to them sadly , thinking with myself that I fled my baby and my wife from the dangers of war in Syria to put them in dangers of loss and death in this ugly place , and I made a big mistake to bring them to this desolate area ,  but quickly I said to myself it was late to thinking about this now , and I must summon everything I have of power and courage to get them out from this terrible place without any harm.

We stood again to begin the walk , but unfortunately we were not quite sure now of the direction that we must take , the trees dense similar everywhere had made it difficult for us , and the fatigue made us unable to focus , we know very well if we choose the wrong direction may we not be able to pass the forest , so my wife and young Moroccan wanted to move in a different direction from that I thought it was right , and after a short discussion between us on this matter , and because I was not sure in my opinion , and wanted not to waste time now , I decided to walk with them in their direction , and finally we start to walk again with doubts filling our hearts with horror.

But barely we walked a few meters away form we were until we heard a man’s voice calling us from afar , and when we looked at the place that the voice came from we saw a border Patrol agents coming toward us , while indicating to us with his hand stopping from pursuing the path.

We didn’t know what we should do, and what can get now , but we hope this man will be from Bulgarian border guards , and he will end our suffering in the forest , so we stopped waiting him ,  and when he arrived he looked to our desperate situation and fixed his ayes at the little baby a bit , then asked about our Nationality , finally he request to follow him , and after ten minutes we found ourselves on the farm road again , there was now the rest of the patrol border guards waiting our arrived , they put us in their car , and after less than an hour we found ourselves in the custody , where the investigators conducted to us an primary investigation , and after only a few hours we found ourselves inside the camp refugees Pastrogor , where we heard horrible stories about families forced to spend more than four days in the desolate forest , and were on the verge of death from hunger and thirst and fatigue unable to get out of the woods , or to be arrested by border guards.

We are now in Bulgaria since months, and every day we are thinking about what happened to us in that unusual day , and what happen to all those other families which was forced to leave Syria because of the war , and tried to entry Bulgaria illegally , and thinking about our suffering here in Bulgaria where we search of a better future for us and for our children , really we believe that the world must not be allowed what happen to us , while leaving the criminals kill Syrian people in cold-blooded , and we hope in someday we will be able return back to our relatives and friends , and the peace will return to our home again.